i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
