He asked me if I "almost moaned"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just pee around me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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