I got chris browned last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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