Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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