Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize