i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
