just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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