Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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