You can't motorboat a personality
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
FUCK WHALES
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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