Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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