yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
