Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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