Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
