I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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