the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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