you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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