Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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