I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I love you.
Bad choice
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
