Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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