I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pants are for mortals
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
