so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
