I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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