the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
