ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
