It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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