worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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