god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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