Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
