My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
