My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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