my phone needs a breathalizer
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
