they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
