My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
