The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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