I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
