Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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