her facebook's as public as her vagina
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
