I could make wine with my vomit
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
