what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
