note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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