pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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