OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
