i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
