i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.