She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning