If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.