Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
