He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
