You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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