You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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