Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
