If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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