Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
