For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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