i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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