jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
