Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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