So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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