Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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