My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
