Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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